“Happiness Is When You Feel Good About Yourself Without Feeling The Need For Anyone Else’s Approval”
As a Psychologist and Coach, I meet a lot of people; furthermore, even after meeting with clients, I can’t help to see some things with my psychological eye. Some people are really talented with overthinking situations, dwelling on the past, and be their own enemy. They just can’t help themselves.
However, you – with reading my blog – can help yourself! Therefore, I’d like to introduce you to your worst enemy in today’s post – yourself. Right, yourself… I try to outline some rules for happiness, so you can stop being your own enemy, dwelling on the past, and start designing your own brilliant future!
Overthinking and second guessing
Yes, we all made mistakes, we all said things we wish we didn’t say, and we all made decisions we regret. Nevertheless, we also had situations where we helped somebody, wrote kind words to someone, made a phone call to encourage somebody. Instead of dwelling on negative situations, why don’t we dwell on the positive ones, where we helped somebody?
It is amazing how some people are able to focus on negative things, and overthink it how they reacted, should’ve reacted differently etc. Life is full with ups and downs. As I said before, we all make mistakes. How can you expect that somebody forgives you if you can’t forgive yourself? Make the first step and forgive yourself.
Mistakes made you the person you are now, they shaped you. You would react differently today – so the past was an excellent teacher, and you learned from your mistake. Just hold your head up, live through the mess of your past, and keep focusing on the present and designing your fantastic future.
Let your past be a teacher – and nothing else
We all made mistakes. We all made decisions we regret. Nobody is perfect. We all have good days, and we all have bad days where we dwell on the past, full with feelings of regret or remorse. And this is okay – it is okay as long as you do not let it stop you from designing a better future, beginning in this very moment.
Every mistake can inspire you towards success, every decision you made, made you the person you are today. You cannot change the past, but you can change your future.There were reasons you made a decision, there were reasons why you made a mistake, you just didn’t know it better that time.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, let the past be a teacher instead of a weapon to hurt yourself. Ask yourself what this situation taught you, and take it with you into a better future. Yesterday is gone, the future not here yet – all you have is your present.
Allow every past moment to be an investment in designing a better future, your future!
Don’t be your own enemy and listen to lies in your head
I am pretty sure we all have this voices in our head. This nagging voice “You could’ve done better”, “You don’t deserve it”, “How can people love you”, “You’re ugly”, “You’re a failure”, and so on.
This is the part that amazes me a lot – instead of being your own friend, most people are their own enemy and let these voices guide their life. Yes, we all have lazy days where we don’t feel like we are up to do what needs to be done.
However, feeling guilty because you didn’t do something, or because you didn’t do it well enough doesn’t serve you. Guilt is a strong feeling, nagging deep inside your soul, petrifies you until you’re not able to do anything else anymore.
Just don’t listen to your inside voice that tells you that it doesn’t matter if you skip a day at gym, drink that one more cocktail or smoke that one cigarette. It’s the voice of laziness that keeps you from flourishing.
Try to be your best friend, your best coach and motivator. Replace old, disempowering thoughts with uplifting and encouraging thoughts. You can do it! And what keeps you from doing it right now?
Thoughts of encouragement
It was Gandhi who said that “your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”
If you want to start shaping your future and your destiny, you will have to start with your beliefs and thoughts. Your words have power, not only for you but also your environment. Therefore, be very careful what you think and what you speak; are your words encouraging? Do they help you or anybody else in fulfilling their dreams? Happiness comes with words of encouragement; happy people speak words of encouragement not only to other people but also to themselves.
I strongly believe in the law of attraction. If you start speaking words of kindness and encouragement, it will attract other helpful, encouraging and kind people into your life. Just be careful – very often you are surrounded by negative people who want to drag you down.
Don’t listen to them, and seek out for encouraging people. You will see that you will awaken in others the thoughts and beliefs you hold in yourself. Always be your best friend, and live your life always aware of the fact that your beliefs and thoughts are your future and your destiny. If you want a better world for yourself and others around you, you have to start inside.
I sincerely hope that you find yourself in my words, and you find something you can include in your own life. Just remember, that most people are their own enemy – no one else is to blame but themselves. Therefore, instead of heading into the direction of a future with happiness, they dwell on the past, with overthinking and second guessing situations. Let your past be a teacher for you!
Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not here yet – all you have is the present, and it is a present. Thoughts of encouragement will help you to shape your beliefs, your actions, your habits, and in the end – your fantastic future!
About the writer: Dr. Mario Lehenbauer-Baum is a Clinical Psychologist and Health Psychologist as well as a certified Industrial-/Organizational Psychologist (certified by the Board of Organizational Psychology – Austrian Psychologist Association), a motivational speaker and coach as well as a researcher concerning positive psychology. He is a passionate gamer and uses new technologies frequently. His research work combines (Clinical) Psychology/Organizational Psychology and new technology (e.g. online-based social skills trainings) as well as the “side effects” of using new technologies, such as being addicted to the internet, games or smart phones. In his coaching and therapy work he focuses on positive psychology to help people live a better life.